I Miss You More

Why did this have to happen? “Because it’s life.” Well I didn’t ask for it to happen. “No one does, but it just happens and it’s okay to move on.” What if I don’t want to? “Then you’ll be forever stuck in an unhappy place. She wouldn’t want this for you. She wants you to move on.” It’s just real hard to, ya know? 

“Yea, I do.”

~~~

I miss you a lot. Sometimes I sit alone in your room when no one else is home and talk to you.  I wonder if you can hear me…

~~~

“You okay?” Yes, I will be. I just can’t imagine how to go on. “But you can’t imagine it… you just have to go with it. And not try to make it a big deal. Just do.” Well then I’ve been doing it wrong haven’t I? “Yep.”

~~~

I don’t understand. It could’ve been anyone. Why not me or someone else? You were too good to leave like that. You were too good.

~~~

“You have to understand and accept.” Move on you mean? “Yes, but moving on doesn’t require forgetting.” I guess not.

~~~

I got down from our tree. I twirled around a rose in my hand before putting it down next to the old roots. I’ll miss you. “I miss you more.”

Rebecca Silverman

Originally appeared in the 2013-2014 edition of Outside In.